Masochism.

Strange blog title. I am aware. Just thought I would name this one for all the girls out there. Yes ladies, we are masochists.
I came to this realization this morning. Think about it: we pretty much torture ourselves. We kill our hair with chemicals and heat. We literally rip hair out of our bodies. We clog our own pores with gobs of makeup. We deprive ourselves before swimsuit season from anything that resembles good food. We poke and prod ourselves and are aware of each and every flaw. We buy magnifying mirrors for Christ's sake!
But it gets worse. For as much as we say we want nice guys, we don't. We want detached, unavailable guys. Because they are a challenge. Because for some odd reason, we feel as though we need to be with the biggest pains in the asses ever. Because we are masochists.
It's amazing the effort you can go through for a guy who is so freaking unavailable (not as in he's taken, but more along the lines of not available to us due to business or not feeling like making the time or a combination of the two). You can seriously spend an entire weekend day sitting at home fully ready to see them, just to find out they can't. It's pathetic.
So I stopped doing that...but somehow this pain in the ass is still in my head. Constantly. It's fucking irritating. Because, as girls, instead of being turned off by this, we are strangely drawn to this. Masochism. It's a bitch. Created by bitches.
Hmmm, well yeah, that's my conclusion. Girls go crazy because they turn themselves that way via masochism.
And they say guys are stronger. Bullshit...

That's what she said.

Numero cinco:
Just blogging for a bit until these last 34 minutes of work are over. So I have come to this amazing conclusion. Guys are idiots. Haha, because if you are female and you talk to them, they think you want to fuck them. If you talk to them more than once, they are pretty damn sure you want to marry them. I am thinking it is impossible to be friends with guys anymore because they are so damn full of themselves. And it's freaking hysterical. So there is a guy I like hanging out with and talking to and wouldn't mind being more than friends with. But whether we are just friends or more than that, can't we just relax and have fun. No wonder all guys think all girls are nuts, because they create these fantasy stalkers in their heads. So moral of the story ladies: Don't talk to or look at guys, because inevitably, it makes you a crazy person because you are so obviously obsessed with them. Oh boys....silly geese. Lol.
Blah, just getting that little tidbit out there.
So, my life.
Has been freakishly enjoyable lately.
Like my apartment is a mess, I procrastinated on homework and had to rush to do it at the last minute, and I am broke...but oh so happy. I think I have finally come to terms with myself and my life and learned to accept it, and therefore, embrace it. I am just happy. Hmm...that's strange. Oh well, totally digging it.
So yeah...it's like winter. And damn, can you ever feel it. I actually broke down and bought winter stuff (gloves, hat, scarf) last night. Considering I wore flip flops in the snow on Monday, you know it has gotta be cold. And WINDY! Blah.
Ah, my eyes are getting into the annoying habit of closing when they need to be open. Sleepiness...but that's cool cuz I am now officially outta work in 23 minutes and then 2 hours of Physics *mimes shooting self in head* and then I am done for the day!! Thankity freaking god!
"So what made you think that he couldn't find the door in the morning? When he found that bed so easily in the dark?" - The Fourth Drink Instinct by Cute Is What We Aim For
Lyric to live by, I suppose. I refer back to it often at least.
Okay so I still have 18 minutes left of work but I am gonna end this post.
TtyLater.

I'm gonna make you bend and break.

Hey hey,
Just ranting for awhile. So...I am officially ginger again. I have my red hair back. And it's freaking me the fuck out. Lol, I haven't looked like myself in quite awhile so it's taking a bit to get used to. Everytime I see a mirror, I have to stare at it for like 10 minutes and try to accept it haha. Oh well, I will get used to it. I better, I mean it took freaking 4.5 hours to get back to red. Blah! No more dyeing my hair black. Nope nope.
And I am putting off reading my god damn accounting shit. I will read it, but I am sooo unmotivated. I just want this semester to be over. Okay 3 more weeks of class, then 1 week of finals. But I still have TONS to do. Two more accounting projects, 3 more labs, a Physics exam and a quiz, stupid online assignments, 3 more Micro quizzes, other unspecified homework. And THEN studying for finals. Geez oh geez. Oh well, this too shall pass. In four weeks, I'll be done with this semester. And just working my ass off. Woot lol.
So, you know what's really fun, not knowing what's going on in your own life. Like when you are lacking clarification in a particular area in your life, it's freaking fun as hell. Note the sarcasm. Sometimes you wanna know something but you don't wanna ask. Why? Either you don't want to make someone feel like you are pushing them into something, or you are afraid of the answer. I believe my problem is a combination of the two. I just want to have an understanding of where this is going and what exactly it is. Is that soo bad?
Blah, so I don't know when my clarification is coming. But hopefully soon.
Anyways, I really should go read my accounting. Or facebook. One of the two.
Ciao.

Oops.

So my lesson learned for today, never let something temporary take prevalence over something permanent. Not going to go into too much detail, but I possibly failed an exam today in my major class because I decided hanging out with people and having fun last night was more important than studying. But I guess there is nothing I can do about it now, c'est la vie, and I'll do better next time and remember this. However, as bad as it sounds, I am not oh so regretful as I should be. I have had quite a bit of fun lately, and that's exactly what I have needed. But no excuses, I cannot let that become more important than school. Balance is key. However, it is over now. I did bad on an exam, got barely any sleep, didn't eat anything til like 9 pm, and was late for work. But I had fun lol.
Anyways...
Just words of wisdom from the dumbass.

Politics, Priorities, & Relationships, oh my!

Alright tons of stuff to talk about today. But we'll start out with the inevitable, Election '08. Ugh and a half. And while the majority of Cleveland disagrees with me, I have to get this out. I voted for McCain for several reasons. First of all, I lean towards the conservative side of the spectrum because I believe that it's about self-responsibility. The United States of America fought for it's independence and fought hard, and finally achieved it. People come to the USA to make better lives for themselves. So, why do people insist on living off the government and sitting on their lazy asses. This is not true in all cases, I am aware. However, if America is the "land of opportunity", why doesn't anyone want to take advantage of that? Regardless of the economy being shit, there are opportunities here. For the time being, we are still the greatest country on Earth. Let's not let laziness ruin that for us. I work my ass off, going to school full time and working 2 jobs. If I can do it, anyone can. I don't think we need a President who is eventually going to have us all living off welfare, because the employment rate will skyrocket after the employers get taxed so bad, they have to cut back labor. Another thing, the war is not going to end so simply. It can't. We got ourselves way too far into this. My personal opinion on the war is not so conservative but my feelings on what to do about it now leans that way. Personally, although I think the US should ALWAYS defend itself, I do not think we have any business trying to make a less evolved country accept our ways of living. For a place as evolved as the USA, look how long it took us to recognize women's rights and minority rights. We can't expect them to welcome our ideas with open arms, considering the main religion over there is very stuck in the past. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of friends who are Arabic, and lots of friends that are Muslim. But the US needs to stop being so ethnocentric and look out for ourselves above all. We can only help those willing to let us help them. Other than that, it's not our business. However, we are in this war now. We can't just leave, too much has already been done. Leaving now would most likely set us up for another attack, and we have to defend ourselves. Although McCain is for staying there and never really mentioned an end, he knows what it's like. I can't honestly believe that a man that went through all that would let Americans die for absolutely no reason. He knows what war is. With the exception of crazy rednecks, I don't think anyone from either side or party likes war. And a former prisoner-of-war knows what it is like to suffer. Not to mention, there has got to be a reason that troops in Iraq were supporting McCain. I would like to add that I wasn't a big fan of McCain anyway, and I think that we could have found better candidates for both sides. There it is again, sides. Parties. George Washington warned us against having a two party system, but no one listens. We so need a leader who best represents America, more on the moderate side. But that won't happen because of course, we are a very opinionated people. Because we can be. But the worst thing is having one party control the Presidency and the Congress, regardless of which party it is. Oops.
Okay, political ranting over.
Let's move onto something else. Priorities. I just don't seem to have them anymore. They have just gotten so screwed up. I have a test to take tomorrow that I haven't even looked at the material for. I called off work on Saturday to continue my Halloween weekend after the whole money debacle. Ended up probably being good because it was a crazy night full of tons of unnecessary drama but whatever. I have like three assignments to catch up on for my online class. No clue what's going on in Accounting lately. No internship offers. Haven't even thought about scheduling classes yet. No desire to work or do homework. Maybe it's just almost end of the semester craziness. I just want Christmas break to get here. Not because of Christmas though, that doesn't even seem to interest me lately. I just want to get the fuck outta here and go to Florida for one glorious week of fun in the sun. It's terrible, I don't even have any desire to go to Mom's and Dad's for Thanksgiving/Christmas. I feel like I left that part of my life behind me and I don't want to get sucked back into it. I moved out. That's not home to me anymore, it feels more like getting stuck staying in a strange place. I don't know.
I may have some idea of why my priorities are going out the window. I maybe, may, might, perhaps be tired of being single. Tired and a half. It's not like I want a good fuck or a trophy boyfriend. I want someone who gives a shit. Who goes to sleep at night thinking about me, and wakes up the same way. Maybe it's for selfish reasons, wanting someone who fucking cares and is around. But it's not just that. It's just...I don't know. I want to know what it's like to be in love and be loved I guess. Kills me to admit that though. I have never really put myself out there, probably for fear of becoming my mother. But I have realized I'm not her. I can be whatever I want to be. And alone is not what I want to be right now.
Anyways...I guess that's the end of this post.
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